Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
