So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
