then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
