Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Randomize
