I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
