So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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