I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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