My Higher Power is John Stamos
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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