I've blown a few things in my day
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
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