And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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