Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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