Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
