apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
