So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
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