i'm signing you up for texting rehab
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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