I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize