I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
