census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
