You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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