I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
