had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
