I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
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