im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Randomize
