she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
