I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Randomize
