Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
