Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I am midnight drunk by noon
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
