What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
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