so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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