I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
The ass gains better be worth it
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