You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Randomize
