you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
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