A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
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