If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Randomize
