Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
