Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
