When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
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