I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Hippo gnu deer
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
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