if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
