and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Randomize