well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
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