the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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