it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize