xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
