Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize