great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
