Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
