I will die if light touches me.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
