I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
