in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize