Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
