i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Randomize
