More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
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