sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
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