I'm so fucking centered right now
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I have aggressive nipples.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
