i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
