Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
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