Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
