How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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