my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize
