He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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