im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
people are starting to question the shark bite story
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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