Your tits are I can't wait for
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
You've changed since you got that strap on
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
