God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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